tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
