His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
