i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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