Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to stop coming to work sober
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
