real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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