pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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