I want to have your abortion
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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