The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
