Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
