there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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