highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
is that a dick in a sweater?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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