You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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