I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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