Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
