And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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