He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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