I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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