awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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