My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
