Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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