I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
