so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my shit smells like andre
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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