You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
