She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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