piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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