So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
