Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am mentally ready for anal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
