just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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