I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
youre lurking in front of me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
