I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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