I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
