Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
