paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
