Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
