To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
