i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
