We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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