you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
