Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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