perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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