I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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