That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
