She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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