don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
