so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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