Swine flu is the new snow day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Damn victory sex feels great
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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