I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
send nudes
from the living room?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
