the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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