What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize