your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
