I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
