Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
