At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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