yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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