If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A bitchslap is in order.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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