i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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