I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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