dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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