how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
