i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
