im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize