I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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