Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
