wat bout pragnant strippers??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
