oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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