i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
