I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
