Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
