come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
