yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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