did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I smell stomach acid.
She announced her abortion via fbk
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
