my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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