My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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