ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
