put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
