I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
