When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
