I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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