butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
